Sunday, June 10, 2012

Teach Your Kids to be Good: Part Two


Be good!  If you're good you'll get a treat. If you're bad you'll be punished.


Parents, pay attention.  You're not really teaching about goodness and evil, handing out happiness and pain on some moral basis, like a watchful god.  Mostly, you just want your kids to shut up, play quietly, and not raise a fuss. You want them to learn that goodness equals passivity and compliance, the two evils that lead adults to everything from not voting to genocide.


We even report that tiny babies were "good" if they slept soundly and didn't cry a lot.


Please teach kids that goodness means acting with compassion. Show them that goodness leads to more goodness, measured in the quality of family relationships. A parent who is gentle and available and interested will be more likely to have a child who feels free to express big feelings with  instead of aggression. A parent who shows tenderness and affection to the other parent is more likely to have a child who feels safe and comfortable with change and challenge. A child who sees parents being generous with money and possessions will be more likely to share toys and kindnesses. Demonstrations are a hundred times more valuable than explanations in this regard, and a thousand times more useful than punishments and bribes.


Show your children how to be good.

Teach Your Kids to be Good: Part One

A poor explanation of Karma

You can use the Hindu/Buddhist idea of karma to teach kids how to be good.


Karma's not as simple as this cartoon suggests.  Buddhism teaches that things happen for lots of reasons: weather, heredity, nature and karma. Karma's different from the others, though,  because we have some control over our decisions and actions. Unlike weather, genes, and the natural order of things, karma is about choice. We can choose to do good, or bad, or nothing.

We can't change nature or our genes, but acting with compassion and attention will make a difference.

Here's a way to introduce a toddler to karma without ever mentioning the word.

With your child, pick a or bowl or pot.  Together, go outside, find some dirt and fill the vessel. Do it with great attention, describing and experiencing together how the dirt looks and feels -- its texture and weight and color. Put the pot in a special place and let it sit for a day or more, commenting often on the wonderful things that will happen inside the pot later. Go out with your child and buy some radish seeds. Read the instructions on the packet out loud and explain them to your child. Together, plant a few of the seeds very carefully, add the right amount of water, and put the pot on a sunny ledge. Because radishes germinate very quickly, you won't have long to wait.

Explain to your child about all the things that have to come together to made the seed grow: soil, water, and sun, and someone to plant and care for the seed. 

As the radish grows and matures, you can refer to it again and again as you teach the child about cause and effect, pointing out that good deeds (planting, watering, putting the pot in the sun) help the seed grow.

Maybe you'll get a nice edible red radish after a few weeks. The radish will offer new opportunities. What is the best thing do with it? Eat it with great mindfulness?  

Maybe you won't get a radish.  How will you explain that in terms of cause and effect?  Maybe you did everything for the radish, but the sun was too dim or the water wasn't quite right, or the soil was not ready.

Either way, your child can learn about cause and effect, and you will have a touchstone for future teaching.  You can provide a context for many of your child's experiences when you start an explanation with "Remember the radish?"

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Royal Buddhist Diet: Guaranteed Weight Loss


A Slim King Pasenadi Thanks the Buddha
King Pasenadi of Kosala was very fat. He waddled around his kingdom, belly swollen, feet sore,  and short of breath. One day, after eating a whole bucket of rich food, he found the Buddha and sat beside him panting.
The Buddha commented "When you stay mindful you will know how much you have eaten and what is enough.  Then all your afflictions will become slender and you will age gently and protect your life."
Fortunately, a brahmin youth from the king's retinue was nearby. Pasenadi instructed him to memorize the Buddha's comment and recite it whenever the King was about to eat.
As soon as Pasenadi learned to pay attention to his food -- to savor it and become aware of tasting and chewing and swallowing -- he was able to delight in a single cup of rice.
In time Pasenadi became slim and strong, and as he sat stroking his slender limbs, he said "The Buddha has shown me compassion twice: for my welfare now and for my welfare in the future."


For lots more on the Buddhist Diet, click here



Best Buddhist Cartoons

The Practical Buddhist has been taking himself too seriously again, so here's a break:































Ashamed of Your Atheism? Come Out of the Closet.

Richard Dawkins in not some crank. He's one of the foremost ethologists and evolutionary biologists of our time. 

He is also a very intentional thorn in the side of religious people and their leaders. 

Dawkins has proposed that  the current pope be tried as a war criminal for many offenses including opposition to birth control in poor nations (where the alternative for limiting population is starvation.)

After 9-11 he was quoted in the Guardian:

Many of us saw religion as harmless nonsense. Beliefs might lack all supporting evidence but, we thought, if people needed a crutch for consolation, where's the harm? September 11th changed all that. Revealed faith is not harmless nonsense, it can be lethally dangerous nonsense. Dangerous because it gives people unshakeable confidence in their own righteousness. Dangerous because it gives them false courage to kill themselves, which automatically removes normal barriers to killing others. Dangerous because it teaches enmity to others labelled only by a difference of inherited tradition. And dangerous because we have all bought into a weird respect, which uniquely protects religion from normal criticism. Let's now stop being so damned respectful!

He's right.  We have no problem arguing public policy, vigorously and endlessly. Why is religion so, um, sacrosanct?  

Why are atheists more fearful of coming out of the closet than gays?  Buddhism has no god, and Hinduism doesn't require one, so apparently godlessness can be respectable. But for God's sake, don't tell my parents!





Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Aggressive Atheism: Buddhist Response

As I write I'm visiting in Chiang Mai province where our Thai friend is preparing a Buddha shrine for a newly-rented home. It's done with great and precise ceremony. 

There's proper placement of candles, flowers, small glass of water, incense, and above all, the Buddha image itself. 

And there's lots of bowing involved. How come?  The Buddha, who said he wasn't a god, only "awake," taught that gods in general weren't very useful on the path to self-realization and universal compassion. 

So why does a Buddha statue rate all this fuss?

One teacher told me that when we bow to the Buddha image, we bow to ourselves, not a dead guy from India. I still think about that. 

Here's a religion/philosophy that insists we look inside, not just outside, for beauty and completion. 

Buddhism isn't atheistic.  Its teachers aren't like Dawkins who rallies followers to heap scorn on believers.

Lacking gods, it's properly non-theistic, but that doesn't mean you can't have any God or gods you like.  You don't have to stop being a Jew or a Catholic to embrace the triple jewels of Buddha, dharma, and sangha.  You just have to be willing to look deeply inside too, and practice compassion and seek to relieve suffering in the world. 

Back to the new rental --- the shrine is installed, all reds and fake gold, and looks down from its high perch, candles ablaze and incense smoking, reminding me of 2500 years of dharma. As I bow to the gilt plaster statue, I realize that without the certainly of guidance by gods, I have to look deep into me for the meaning I seek.  But I'm not giving up Jesus or Mohammed or the Holy Spirit any time soon. 

Sunday, March 25, 2012

I Am Not Trayvon Martin


Note in August, 2023. In March of 2012, Travon Martin was gunned down for being black and wearing a hoodie.  I forget the details.  There were lots of protests.

Some protestors are wearing shirts that read "I am Trayvon Martin."  They mean that they look suspicious and maybe dangerous, probably because they are Black.  Maybe they wear hoodies or walk too slowly on the way home.

I'm am not Trayvon Martin. I'm pretty old, and very pink-skinned. I wear glasses and usually walk in middle-class neighborhoods, when I walk at all. I drive an aging Toyota.  Cops always give me a pass. So does everyone.  I'm safe. No danger to anyone. I fit a no-threat, clean old white man profile. If I were female instead of male, I'd be perfect.

But remember this. Privileged old white men like me run everything. We drag our feet investigating hate crimes, or pursue them with vigor, all for political reasons. We start and stop wars. We oppress, and when convenient, liberate. 

The Trayvons of the world aren't dangerous. Old pink men like me are the ones to be feared. I am not Trayvon Martin.

Hunger Games and Buddhism

This teen-search-for-meaning flick is setting stunning box office records.

In case you've been in a coma -- Hunger Games is a tale of violence and corrupt power: The evil government picks 24 kid-gladiators to main and kill each other in high def until only one is left standing. It's a variation on a plot older than Greek mythology. And it has the obligatory love-triangle, but there's also a twist.

In this post-armageddon HG world, where the starring adolescents are adorable and noble, there's not a hint of a formal religion. The tale hangs on teen self-discovery and emerging virtues of courage, selflessness, and commitment to the common good. It also addresses the eternal question of whether violence is OK if you murder in pursuit of some higher good.  These ethical questions are the ones the dharma has explored for for millennia. 

By the way, they're the same questions raised in the Harry Potter franchise, and even in the Batman movies.

It takes more than sex, violence, and really cute actors to capture the attention of untold millions of teens, so fast. 

Like our ancestors, we're hard-wired for this story, and long to hear it again and again. We want reassurance that in the midst of horrible loss and suffering, nobility of spirit triumphs and in the end all will be well.  This is the core plot in all literature, including sacred scriptures, and when you can come up with a fresh presentation like HG (or Potter, or Logan's Run) it's a matter of build it and they will come.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Sex, Drugs and Buddhism



Buddhism and Addiction


Buddhists like to talk about attachment, and how it messes with our peace of mind and ability to see clearly. 

Addiction is attachment gone crazy.  The addict can never really pay attention or be at peace. 

It can be sex or eating or cocaine or work or even extreme sports. Anything that gets me high can become an addiction.

While I'm high, my suffering is blunted or can even seem to disappear.  Problem is, the high never lasts, and most methods of  getting high cause troubles of their own.

The addiction cycle can be triggered by any kind of stress or pain. To dull the pain, I'll get high (acting out), then sink into shame. The remorse leads to resolutions and commitments, and things can go fine until I'm in pain again and it starts all over.

Buddhist philosophy can help at every phase of the addition cycle.  Stress and pain can be eased through regular meditation and the practice of compassion, reducing the craving for the high. 

Shame and depression can be less a problem when the addict begins to learn self-awareness and self-care. New commitments can be bolstered by healthy reliance on others for support. 

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Want to Smell Like a Pope? Buddhist Response


Pope commissions custom-blended eau de cologne


Fragrance, which mixes hints of lime tree, verbena and grass, was concocted by Italian boutique perfume maker Silvana Casoli

Pope Benedict XVI has commissioned a bespoke eau de colognePope Benedict XVI has commissioned a bespoke eau de cologne. Photograph: AP
He is picky about his robes and his red shoes are tailor-made, but Pope Benedict has taken the meaning of bespoke to a whole new level by ordering a custom-blended eau de cologne just for him.
The fragrance, which mixes hints of lime tree, verbena and grass, was concocted by the Italian boutique perfume maker Silvana Casoli, who has previously created scents for customers including Madonna, Sting and King Juan Carlos of Spain.
Casoli said she had a "pact of secrecy" with her most illustrious client to date, and refused to release the full list of ingredients that had gone into his scent – but she did reveal that she had created a delicate smelling eau de cologne "based on his love of nature".
The Practical Buddhist Responds
I couldn't resist. This 84-year-old pope may be infallible, but he wants to smell nice. He also wants a scent nobody else has, like a lady with a custom designer dress. 
Buddhist monks, even the Dalai Lama, are careful not to dress in anything but ordinary robes, or wear jewelry or perfume, because it could be distracting from their lives of reflection and meditation.  It's not that different for Catholic monks, actually.
But as you go up in the Catholic hierarchy, the outfits get fancier and fancier, until the pope-stage, where you get to wear very tall hats and scarlet slippers and monster rings. 
And exclusive perfumes.
Buddhist monks don't go that route, but aren't likely to pass judgment on it either. They'd probably tell the pope he looks great and smells really nice, and wish him well in his tough job.
I confess frequent frustration with this pope, but learning about this little vanity somehow makes him seem more human, vulnerable, and likeable.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Gay Marriage? Buddhists Don't Even Believe in Marriage



 Buddhists Don't Even Believe in Marriage


If Buddhists don't get excited about homosexuality, they're even less concerned about marriage. Fact is, they don't believe in marriage at all, at least as a sacrament.

It's a civil union, a contract between two people. Monks don't officiate at weddings.  They do bless weddings, but monks will bless anything including bikes and beer-bar grand openings.

Over here, we're all tied up about the difference between marriage and civil unions. Many would let gays have all their civil rights, so long as they don't call it marriage, because marriage is "sacred."

For Buddhists, everything and everyone is sacred already. Including gay people and their love. And a commitment to love and fidelity between two people is just a civil union, but that's plenty. 

We're not going to see same sex marriage in Tibet any time soon. Most Buddhists live in countries that are conservative socially, and social norms are always stronger than religion. But no matter, they don't have sacramental marriage for straight people either.

Women and Buddhism? Just Give Up.

Women in Buddhism


A smart Buddhist will not fight pointless battles. Most battles are distractions anyhow. 

Young Buddhist nuns in Burma
There are many Buddhist women leaders who learn and teach and practice compassion joyfully. They are not militant. They know that Buddhism is an imperfect, ever-evolving, culture-bound tradition that still practices gender discrimination. They love the dharma, and can let go of worry and anxiety about Buddhist nuns being officially inferior to monks. They are experts in giving up, giving over, and letting go of peripheral concerns while clinging fiercely to core truths like the Four Noble ones.

There is plenty in Catholic teaching that is useful and beautiful and life-giving. The present Pope has issued stunningly incisive teachings on social justice, poverty and peace, but is dismissed because of his silly statements on birth control increasing AIDS in Africa. He is a great but very imperfect teacher. 

Just so Buddhism. It's discriminated against women,  almost everywhere it has blossomed. Buddhists, depending on where they live, are superstitious animists, rigid reactionaries, or (in the West) elitists. Sometimes.  So what?   Everyone I love has faults and imperfections.  Any religion does too.  Can a I learn from it and follow it's best teachings in spite of the warts?

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Buddhist and the $5 Million Watch


$5 million dollar watch


Hublot's $5m watch
The white gold timepiece is encrusted with 1,282 diamonds, and will be shown to a small number of people at a corporate event in Basel.
It was created by Swiss firm Hublot and took 17 people 14 months to make, according to the AFP news agency. 
"We profit off the general growth of the economy in the region," Jean-Daniel Pasche, president of the Swiss Watch Industry, told AFP.
"There are many people who have the means to acquire a Swiss watch - they find our products very attractive."
The Practical Buddhist Responds
Let's just say you had billions. Would you have a watch like this?  How would you keep it safe? How would you keep yourself safe when wearing it? Would you get insurance? Would you worry about it being stolen? Would you be proud of it? Would you be embarrassed about if you wore it in front of poor people? Would you show your friends? Would you sell it? Would you give it to a lover? Would you give it to the poor? 
You know that's just the beginning of a long, long list. Every one of those questions would upset you mind and disturb your serenity and capacity for joy. 
That's why Buddhists, who try to enjoy everything, don't like to be too attached to anything. Little attachments distract us, and big attachments make us crazy and sad.
You can keep the watch.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Play With Your Food: Tips for Healing Childhood Obesity



Play With Your Food: Teaching Kids the Ecstasy of Mindful Eating

     Does it bother you that fat kids are bullied or rejected every day and lead shorter, sicker lives than children of average weight?  If you're a parent and want to help, you have to understand the problem first.
·        Compulsive eating in children arises from too much wealth and a too little  mindfulness. 
Parents counsel and explain but don't model or moderation. We put kids on diets, but we don't teach them the joy of eating that can be found in paying attention. In our society only sommeliers and chefs savor and thoroughly describe what they are tasting and experiencing.

We also set up food as part of a reward system.  "Eat your peas and you can have desert" teaches kids "Yes, peas are disagreeable and unpleasant, but to get you to eat them I will gratify you with food full of fats and sugars." 


 Why not attend to the pea?  Create a story of its planting and growth, and how it was protected and nurtured by nature and farmer alike. Enjoy its shape and color. Play with your food a bit and see how many peas will balance on the blade of a table knife. Tell the story of the princess and the pea, or of Jack and his Beanstalk (close enough.)  Don't teach that peas are ugly but necessary.  Food should never be associated with reward or punishment.

I once counseled aides at an eldercare center to be sure to offer residents their glasses before eating so they could see the food clearly, then discuss the food admiringly to see what memories this might trigger. While they are learning to respect and delight in ordinary food, it's OK for kids to smell it carefully and even touch it gently, and experiment with various utensils and unexpected combinations.

Most childhood obesity comes from compulsive eating by kids who confuse food with love or at least relief, together with poor teaching and the abundance of cheap, concentrated food.

Is Letting a Kid Get Obese a Form of Child Abuse?

How do you feel when you look at this picture? Are you angry with the parents? Child Protective Services in Ohio recently removed a youngster from his parents just because he was enormously fat. They said letting a kid get so big was child abuse. Do you agree? Does it make you worry about your kids, or about yourself?

Parents want everything good for their children and love to see them learn and grow. Few parents really know how to teach their kids to eat with attention and joy, mostly because they don't know how themselves.  

Nurturing and teaching are the key responsibilities of parenting, and they often go together.  Nurturing means providing healthy food that promotes growth and well-being. It also means avoiding using food as a bribe or love-substitute, or withholding food as a punishment.  Kids in supermarkets whine for candy. Parents say "If you're good, you can have one piece."  Perhaps if they are extremely good, they can have the whole bag.

Goodness in a child's mind means only one thing: complying with the parental will, usually by being quiet and unobtrusive.  If you are "good" you will receive highly concentrated simple and complex sugars and fats, which nature designed to feel good in the mouth and brain.



Later, if we are lonely or bored and want love from outside ourselves, our hearts remember to connect love and comfort with sugars and fats, so we watch reruns with a soda and a bag of chips.

Sadly, we don't really taste the Coke or the Doritos. The comfort they provide is primitive, oral, and can never be fully satisfied.

If only we could learn to savor a single chip. Turn off the TV. Hold the chip, notice its texture. Enjoy its colors and how it is translucent to bright light. Smell it slowly, becoming aware of the complexities there. Snap it in half and listen to the sound. Put the half on your tongue and notice again. But wait, the sensations are likely to shift. Slowly chew and then swallow, mentally following the chip all the way down. Describe the experience to yourself, and select words that might communicate the experience to others.

Sound silly?  Maybe, but I remember a monk leading a group of students though an exercise like that as we held and touched and sniffed the big red apples he'd brought us. For nearly an hour. When he finally let us take a bite, it was apple ecstasy for me.  I'll never forget that apple from 40 years ago.

Maybe you've taken wine tasking courses.  They follow most of the steps I suggested for the potato chip, and they have certainly enhanced my appreciation.  Sadly, I often go through the attention exercise only with the first sight and smell and  and sip, then drink the rest of the glass mindlessly.

There are games parents can use to teach kids mindful eating, far better than lectures about "slow down and enjoy your food,"  but the best teaching is through example. 

Dieting rarely works long term. It's about restricting and limiting ourselves temporarily, usually so we can be thinner and feel more attractive. It makes our favorite foods our enemy. When we've learned that food is a substitute for love, food-as-enemy is a recipe for craziness.  Mindful eating can lead to moderate eating with great pleasure, and we can model it for our kids.


How to Make Things Better: Ten Tips for Parents


 Fat kids suffer, and not just because other children are mean. Even teachers favor lean, cute boys and girls, and assume they're smarter. Many assume obese kids are weak, lazy, and unhealthy. Overweight adults know subtle judgment and rejection, but have grown-up defenses.  For kids it’s harder. For them “fat” is a cruel insult that has no response. Here are my ten tips for parents:
                     1. Never, ever reward or punish with food. If you give treats for good behavior, especially sweet and fatty ones, your child can learn to connect fats and sweets with love and approval.  If you withhold food to punish, you’ll reinforce the food-love connection. 
                   2. Be calm about food. It's a law of nature that you pay a lot of attention to a behavior it will increase, even if the attention is negative. Be neutral and matter-of-fact about what kids eat or don’t eat. If a child isn’t eating, stay cool and distant. If kids are eating in a polite and moderate and healthy way, that’s when to show feelings and appreciation. If you get in a power struggle about food you’re sure to lose.
                   3. Model emotionally healthy eating. Let the kids see you eat slowly, with attention and enjoyment. Express delight about tastes and textures and temperatures so that kids stay aware of the eating process without distraction.  By definition, compulsive overeaters don’t pay attention to their food; all they seek is the current fix and the next. Don’t serve food in front of a television or with other major distractions. Mindful eating and compulsive eating are incompatible.
                                        4. Let eating be a pleasant ritual, a ceremony.  Have the kids set the table and decorate it. Light a candle or two, even on ordinary occasions. Assume that eating is that special place, not in the media room or the bedroom, and certainly not in the bed or the car.  If you have to get fast food, slow it down. Go inside and sit at a table, and don’t teach kids to eat in a moving vehicle.
                    5.  Never use shame to get a kid to stop overeating. It won’t work. Compulsive overeaters already associate food with love and approval. A shamed kid will will just eat more to feel better.
                   6.  Be aware of your kids’ metabolism.  Most children’s blood sugar is a little low when they get home from school. A small glass of juice, or better yet, raw fruit, can help smooth things out.  There is no such thing as a “sugar high” (unless the parents expect it) but big doses of refined sugars like soda pop are not kid-friendly.
                                      7.   Please don’t put your kid on a diet. Unless it’s a life-time diet, all you will get is resentment from the child, and short term weight loss. Soon the fat will return.  Deep down we all know that diets rarely work for long-term weight loss. Older kids might want to improve their nutrition and ask for help. That’s different. Research and learn together, when your teen is ready to explore healthier eating for life.
                   8. Don’t provide binge foods. Kids who eat compulsively often have a few items that make them crazy. Like alcoholics, they start and can’t stop until it’s all gone. Chocolate candy bars are a frequent offender: those big molecules of fat feel so comforting in the mouth and the bit sugar hit is so soothing. It could be any food, but it’s likely to be highly concentrated: lots of calories for the size. Just don’t have it in the house.
                   9.  If you’re overwhelmed, get help. Consider sending yourself to counseling instead of your child. You might be your own kid’s best therapist, and the counseling can provide you tools to do it. In my practice I call it "therapy by remote control."
             10. Admit you are ultimately powerless. You can restrict your dog’s food by putting what you want in the bowl, but human food is everywhere. Determined, driven kids will get it, at least when they’re old enough to be sneaky. Start by accepting and enjoying your overweight kid. Start by letting go of all blame and all shame. That's how you'll increase your influence with your child and your ability to help.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Childhood Obesity Part Three: Tips for Worried Parents

 For Parts One and Two, please see postings for October 13 and November 29

 Fat kids suffer, and not just because other children are mean. Even teachers favor lean, cute boys and girls, and assume they're smarter. Many assume obese kids are weak, lazy, and unhealthy. Overweight adults know subtle judgment and rejection, but have grown-up defenses.  For kids it’s harder. For them “fat” is a cruel insult that has no response. Here are my ten tips for parents:
                     1.           Never, ever reward or punish with food. If you give treats for good behavior, especially sweet and fatty ones, your child can learn to connect fats and sweets with love and approval.  If you withhold food to punish, you’ll reinforce the food-love connection. 
                   2.            Be calm about food. It's a law of nature that you pay a lot of attention to a behavior it will increase, even if the attention is negative. Be neutral and matter-of-fact about what kids eat or don’t eat. If a child isn’t eating, stay cool and distant. If kids are eating in a polite and moderate and healthy way, that’s when to show feelings and appreciation. If you get in a power struggle about food you’re sure to lose.
                   3.            Model emotionally healthy eating. Let the kids see you eat slowly, with attention and enjoyment. Express delight about tastes and textures and temperatures so that kids stay aware of the eating process without distraction.  By definition, compulsive overeaters don’t pay attention to their food; all they seek is the current fix and the next. Don’t serve food in front of a television or with other major distractions. Mindful eating and compulsive eating are incompatible.
                                        4.     Let eating be a pleasant ritual, a ceremony.  Have the kids set the table and decorate it. Light a candle or two, even on ordinary occasions. Assume that eating is that special place, not in the media room or the bedroom, and certainly not in the bed or the car.  If you have to get fast food, slow it down. Go inside and sit at a table, and don’t teach kids to eat in a moving vehicle.
                    5.            Never use shame to get a kid to stop overeating. It won’t work. Compulsive overeaters already associate food with love and approval.A shamed kid will will just eat more to feel better.
                   6.            Be aware of your kids’ metabolism.  Most children’s blood sugar is a little low when they get home from school. A small glass of juice, or better yet, raw fruit, can help smooth things out.  There is no such thing as a “sugar high” (unless the parents expect it) but big doses of refined sugars like soda pop are not kid-friendly.
                                      7.            Please don’t put your kid on a diet. Unless it’s a life-time diet, all you will get is resentment from the child, and short term weight loss. Soon the fat will return.  Deep down we all know that diets rarely work for long-term weight loss. Older kids might want to improve their nutrition and ask for help. That’s different. Research and learn together, when your teen is ready to explore healthier eating for life.
                   8.            Don’t provide binge foods. Kids who eat compulsively often have a few items that make them crazy. Like alcoholics, they start and can’t stop until it’s all gone. Chocolate candy bars are a frequent offender: those big molecules of fat feel so comforting in the mouth and the bit sugar hit is so soothing. It could be any food, but it’s likely to be highly concentrated: lots of calories for the size. Just don’t have it in the house.
                   9.            If you’re overwhelmed, get help. Consider sending yourself to counseling instead of your child. You might be your own kid’s best therapist, and the counseling can provide you tools to do it. In my practice I call it "therapy by remote control."
             10.            Admit you are ultimately powerless. You can restrict your dog’s food by putting what you want in the bowl, but human food is everywhere. Determined, driven kids will get it, at least when they’re old enough to be sneaky. Start by accepting and enjoying your overweight kid. Start by letting go of all blame and all shame. That's how you'll increase your influence with your child and your ability to help.